We Are Not Working

On doing the right kind of work.

I’ve had plenty of conversations with friends and family over the past week, and most of us are in agreement: we are not doing work. We are not being productive. We are not sorting laundry or emptying dishwashers or discovering the life-changing magic of tidying up. We are not responding to clients by EOD, or hopping on a call for a quick face-to-face, or wrapping up whatever’s in the pipeline.

Productivity is a curse and we’ve broken it.

I try not to feel too much guilt when I don’t do the things that need doing. I know that what I’m doing (unproductively) also needs to be done. Sitting. Thinking. Making tea. Drinking in the utter reality of what is, and not what could be. Laughing at the cat. Thinking about what could be. Forgetting the tea. Folding a blanket across my lap just so. Falling in love with all the little folds and details of each breath. Reminding myself that those things still exist even while other things have turned into large, looming question marks.

I’ve had a few images from medieval manuscripts float across my mind these past few weeks. Here are all the ones that have come to mind, I wonder if you can relate?

it’s not the first time this image has graced this Substack and it’s surely not the last. it so perfectly depicts everything.

me, making my little comics and trying not to panic while Everything That’s Going On keeps going on

also me, practicing all my coping mechanisms whilst being psychologically immolated every time I read the news

pretending to be shocked when a deeply troubled person (like the president elect, for example) does deeply troubling things

And there it is. Feeling intensely, feeling numb, feeling intensely again, back and forth, back and forth.

To me, it feels like the heart wasn’t meant to take so much, so it shuts off before overheating. I don’t think feeling numb is wrong. I think we do what we can to get through the times we’ve got, and we should do our best not to trod on each other’s toes in the process.

We’re all aching in different ways.

When I was cleaning out the car, I found this note attached to my kid’s school work packet from last week.

It says, This week I’m proud of… “working while having a bunch of politics.”

Frankly, I’m also feeling proud of myself for that. I’m not sure I can reasonably hope for a week without them, but one can always put down one’s phone for a while.

I’m going to try to remember that today.

Hope you’re all well, my dears. Don’t work too hard doing the wrong things. Keep a smile on, too.

Doing my best by doing the least,

🖤Becca Lee, Haunted Librarian🖤